Mount *%^$^& Washmore

Sometimes it’s a good thing that doing the laundry is the crowning achievement of my day.

Like today when I spent the bulk of the day procrastinating looking for my $&*@*!^% debit card, which I haven’t seen for four days. Ditto the credit card.

Poof! Gone.

It’s unlikely it was stolen. I last used it (according to my bank) Friday morning before the men’s Bible study I attend each week when I bought a $1.99 tub of dried dates for a make-ahead oatmeal recipe at the Giant across the parking lot from the Panera where the Bible study meets. Or maybe the last time I used it was when I made this month’s charitable donation to the Maryland Food Bank. (We’re trying to give x per month over the whole year to spread out the financial hit that comes from writing a bunch of checks at the end of the year.) I looked all over the my desk, where I spent the past two weeks on some paid work. Twice.

I’ve stood on my head to look all over the car, but maybe looking at night isn’t the best approach, so I looked all through the stupid glove box and under the seats and in the console. I looked in every one of my coat pockets, twice, and threw them on the floor in anger. I cleaned off my bureau and nightstand and went through my catch-all basket. I even pulled up the sofa cushions and looked there. I went thru all the reusable shopping bags in the back of my car in case I dropped it down in one of them.

Can I mention how I capital-h Hate looking for things? And that I have to put on such a front when I tell the children things like, “Sometimes you have to look more than once” when they can’t find things that are within arm’s reach. Even if you already looked there.

Meanwhile, I procrastinated by decommissioning my compost bin and stuffing steel wool down the holes that I think rats have made and then breaking up up and mashing down the soil as recommended by a friend at the end of the neighborhood that really has a rat problem I cut a piece of leftover basement shower wall to go in the kitchen cabinet shelf where the flour and shortening and honey have made the shelf sticky (to make for easier wiping and to prevent damage to the shelf from leaks) and I’ve put away socks and laundry and cleaned up the kitchen. I’ve gone through all the Christmas cards on the back of the piano and made a big stack for Lovely Bride’s approval to toss, storing the rest in the Christmas boxes and updated the bulletin board by the back door where we put all the holiday card photos.

I even made pie crust for scratch to use up some leftover ham in a quiche.

This is some serious procrastination.

Then I prayed to my Lovely Bride:

O Dear and Loving SuperFinder, Please use your powers from afar and tell me where I’ve stashed these fool cards!!!

I finally gave up and accepted my lot in life of being capable only of arranging playdates and doing laundry. Felt something squarish in the back pocket of jeans I wore a week ago. Well, look! @&($&%& debit card!

Now I have 90 minutes to return overdue library books and do the week’s grocery shopping.

And there goes my whole freaking day.


4 responses to “Mount *%^$^& Washmore

  1. Oh no, you did so much that day you just can’t remember that you Part 1 of your day you: put away the morning’s dishes, cleaned the kitchen, made the beds upstairs, did 2 loads of laundry (didn’t fold them though), paid the VISA bill, called the sitter for next Thursday, paid the book fair fee of $8 in cash (you obviously had to walk into the bank for the $ because your debit card is tucked into the passenger seat flap), cleaned the mudroom closet (family comes to a stop if this is messy), found the missing GI Joe toy, organized the basement, made yourself lunch and watched 5 minutes of news to see that Newt & Mitt are now duking it out in FL, did email with lots of talk about the latest volunteer activity you participate in, planned dinner, bought the food, worked out (no shower, no time), called a friend to laugh a little, said a prayer that this world is going forward, dropped off 2 library books and then got the kids at 3:00 to start Part 2 of your day. You do a lot!

  2. I so can relate to all this, though I tend to squash it all into one of my “free” days on the weekend. I plan my day, then spend it doing something I had no intention of doing and feel like I’ve lost more time that I care to. Makes me feel like my ever loving mind is going squishy.

  3. I had a conversation with your lovely bride about this blog post. I’m a stay at home with no ability to find what is lost. This is how bad it is: I have to make a detailed map of my house and yard telling me EXACTLY where I have hidden the Easter eggs, (and reminded that I should fell lucky that I am still involved after what happened the first year). And then there was the time when “the man”, who finds everything, (my SuperFinder), lost his keys for three months and I let him have it every single day. “Can’t find your keys, huh? Look who loses things now. Hahaha.” Come to find out that I put them in the glove box of my car. The latest was my lost library card. 8 days! I looked everywhere. Hands scratched from digging under car seats. Forced my evil minions to help. Went to the library and looked through every book that I have taken out in the last year. “The man” calls me today and told me to look in my green bag. Why in the world would I want to look there? I haven’t even used that bag in the last five hundred years. There is no way on earth that it is….DANG IT! Are you kidding me? Now I have to see that smirk and call him Sherlock Holmes for a week.

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