Commando Kid

Why does my almost-7-year-old son strongly prefer not wearing underpants? Is it liberation? Rebellion? Obliviousness? Lack of attention to extraneous detail? And why does he love smacking his own behind like a stripper doing a horsey-riding dance?

More than once in the past month, I found Eddie had gone commando to school. How could I have missed this? I asked why, and got “oh, I dunno….” Maybe he figured it was easier than meeting our demand that he change his underpants daily. Just don’t wear any at all! I tried to tell him it’s to keep his pants from getting dirty. He blinked back at me.

Then a week ago, he woke up in the morning complaining his waist hurt. My Lovely Bride checked, and he had on four pairs of underwear. This time the why yielded an answer: to impress the boys in the bathroom. So what exactly do they do in there? I’m sure this was inspired by the kid Kenny in his class, whom I’ve seen is something of a instigator. Eddie giggles when he says how Kenny shouts “kunk-ahhh!” in the bathroom. (I imagine the first-grade version of Hoo-wah!)

Was any boy named Kenny ever not a cut-up?

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